The guide to fine bachelor dining...

Bachelors often make the pricey mistake of eating out or thinking they can cook good food on a regular basis. This can often hamper their abilities in the fields of "drinking" or "being lazy". You're on your own and you aren't married, it is time you learned to live like a smack addict.

Bachelors (and bachelorettes) often go the route of the prepackaged noodles and sauce diet. For those of you who immediately thought of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese... get out, you are not welcome here. Macaroni and cheese, whether from Kraft or any other manufacturer, is far too expensive.

Ramen noodles, at three for a dollar, are the staple of any single, urban dweller. You see them under a variety of names... Mr. Noodles, Smack Ramen, Ramen Wonder...

I was always a particular fan of Smack Ramen. At twenty cents a package, even a smack addict could get the nourishment he or she deserved.

There are however, more important things than ramen noodles in the bachelor's diet. Salt and starch may stave off the hunger, yet the average bachelor can live off something a bit more nutritious for the same price with as little preparation as possible. It is time bachelors and bachelorettes discovered balls.

That's right, nutritious, delicious and filling balls.

Few single people of the world have discovered the glory of Jewish food. Jewish culinary culture is not limited to bagels. The matzo ball is a starchy additive to any soup that is not only filling, but provides a taste sensation that rivals rice noodles any day. You need flour, oil and eggs. With those three ingredients, you can make enough matzo balls to last two weeks. All you need is a small can of powdered soup base to eat them with. For those of you who are unfamiliar with powdered soup base, it costs pennies and provides base for roughly 3 trillion soups. Some say matzo balls are disgusting. I say those people should be pushed over and punched in the throat. Hunger and acquired taste can level and form of culinary critique when you are too poor to do anything else.

For those of you who are liberal hippies who enjoy eating granola and making your own hummus, let me also give a nod to falafels. These crunchy treats not only taste good, but are less expensive to make bark sandwiches. Do you have chickpeas, garlic and oil? No? Then you can't make falafels and you are a waste of oxygen.

Remember, balls can be made easily, with little time and expense. Larger quantities can be stored and speedily reheated at a later date. Now you can bring your own food to your friend's home instead of eating his. Under no circumstances should you eat another man's balls.

For those of you who have some hope of getting anywhere with the opposite sex, remember that this food will not serve to entertain a date very well. You can always get them drunk first and convince them that they are eating meatballs and you ran out out of sauce.

But that's not what I would recommend.