I must not fear, fear is the mindkiller...

I will let it pass through me...

In reality, there isn't a whole lot to be feared in the universe. Fear is a convenient additive to the human recipe of laziness. Not wanting to do something speaks volumes more than than being afraid to do something. Fear means that you don't want to take time out of your day to deal with repercussions and problems that may arise from a leap into the unknown.

Guilt is far, far worse...

When someone believes in individual responsibility as a root for all experience (I do), it becomes increasingly hard to distance yourself from the burning sensation that comes with feeling you caused something bad to happen. Even when it is seemingly the fault of someone else entirely.

Now this is a radical claim for sure. No one wants to believe they were the cause of the Rwandan genocide or a murder across town. No, we aren't the cause of these things (or we are indirectly, depending on your political standpoint) be we are most certainly responsible for them.

To most people, average or not, this sounds stupid. You have to however, look at it this way: everything is connected. Your own survival and depends on humanity's ability to think alike on certain aspects. Not in terms of politics, religion, spirituality, but instead in terms of existence. To exist and grow with any sort of freedom, you need those freedoms to exist first. I have no limits to my own personal belief in individual accomplishment, but that belief can still be halted if I get murdered, like the guy across town. It can also be hampered if I make choices contrary to my own wants when I spend a lot of time trying not to get murdered. My existence is linked to everyone in Rwanda. If they can grow and becomes a prosperous world power, they are one step closer to adding their ability to my common goal of existence.

So when some fuckwad or fuckwads decide it is a good idea to kill one, some or several people, hell yes I'm responsible. And as much as I am responsible for that, I am responsible for when things go well and good things happen as a result of other people's actions. I am responsible because the level humans choose to exist at is directly related to the level I live at. This doesn't mean that you must choose to do something dramatic about it. Quite frankly, what you chose to do about Rwanda is up to you. No moral accusations either way here. Granted, just about everyone will tell you it was a bad thing and I'm no exception. I'm just pointing out that the ability of one person to change an outcome is great and the ability to of several people is even more greater. Those outcomes can go either way, but in any case, we are responsible for what we do or don't.

Which brings me back around to the subject of guilt.

As much as you accept your own responsibility for all things, or don't for that matter, it is hard not to feel guilty about something. Most people won't feel guilty about something like Rwanda, but they will feel guilty about something more immediate. Especially if you believe in an overarching sense of individual responsibility.

If this is the case, guilt can be a crippling event. Even though you may not feel as though there was anything you have fucked up, you can't help but feel like you could have done something more.

Everyone has had a moment in their lives when they face a crushing reality, they've made a choice, then must proceed to live with it.

But let me tell you, it is better to live through the crippling guilt than stop and cripple yourself second guessing what you did in the first place. Nothing is ever lost. It's all connected somehow and you have to remember that you can be reconnected with your choices later on. There's always a process.

This post was therapeutic in nature.